By Thomas Chau in New York City

One of the great things about running an Internet website is that you get to post what you want, whatever you want.

Johnny Messner ("Tears of the Sun," "The Whole Ten Yards") was in town a couple of weekends ago to do press for "Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid." But I doubt very many radio stations or newspapers will do stories on him. And if they do do stories on him, then you won't see the real guy up close and personal.

This interview had to have been the foulest, most outrageous interview I've ever sat through. We could've talked about the movie but instead, we spent most of our time, or actually, he spent most of his time talking about what he thinks a "real man" is and why Hollywood lacks real men in the industry nowadays.

Normally I would not post an interview like this, as it has very little to do with the movie. But some of the things he said are just too outrageous. How can I pass up this opportunity?

Ladies and gentlemen, the following interview is presented to you uncut. He really did say what you are about to read. The following interview contains language not suitable for children. Ah, who am I kidding...

Q: The movie takes place in Borneo but does it matter to you that there are, in reality, no snakes in Borneo?

JOHNNY: As far as Borneo goes, unless you're on the computer, looking at everything I do and you see that I have one hair out of place when you're watching the movie, and there are always those guys on the Internet like, “This is bullshit. Look at that guy. He had more scruff at the fucking beginning of the movie than he does now.” As far as that goes, it's not about the fact that snakes are in Borneo or China or America. If you're still thinking about that, then you're not involved in the movie. That's my whole philosophy.

I don't care what snakes are in fucking Borneo or if there are any snakes in Borneo. Who cares? The point is it says "Borneo" in the movie. After that, it's irrelevant. That to me means nothing because they're trying to make a movie about this group of people that are trying to find the Fountain of Youth. So it doesn't matter where they go. So there are snakes here, snakes there, whatever. So as soon as you start thinking about that, then the movies over. You know what I mean? That's it. This is not “The English Patient,” all right? That's not what it's about. What is it? Grab some popcorn, enjoy yourself. That's all it is.

Q: How was filming in Fiji?

JOHNNY: Fiji’s awesome. The people are so genuine. I love all of them, but they were eating people 99 years ago, so it’s a little trippy.

Q: What scares you?

JOHNNY: Impotence.

Q. We'’ve seen you in all these movies with Bruce Willis. What's the connection?

JOHNNY: I blow him. No, he's one of my best friends.

I met him on “Tears of the Sun.” Basically we're cut in the same mold. He's had these same people in his cast for a long time, 40 years. He took me into his camp, invited me into his family. I'm almost overwhelmed with the fact that he embraced me the way he did. But we're essentially the same guy. I'm him 10 years before and a lot poorer.

Q: What tattoos do you have?

JOHNNY: [points to right shoulder] This eagle was drawn by my brother. I told him to make an American eagle with his face fucked up because I’m tired of being shit on. So the eagle is pissed.

Q: Which tattoo is for “Anacondas”?

JOHNNY: That’s right here [grabs his crotch]. Also I got one of Monica Bellucci right here [lifts his right arm and it’s inside his elbow]. It’s her with blue eyes because I don’t want to be too much of a stalker. On the back of my neck it says reality because that’s where I like to keep it, I don’t want to see it.

Q: Did you see “Irreversible”?

JOHNNY: Yeah I jerked off to that like ten times.

Q: Did she see your tattoo when you worked on “Tears of the Sun”?

JOHNNY: She saw me do it. I tried so hard for her.

Q: But she’s married!

JOHNNY: Hey I’m an actor. We don’t live in the real world.

Q. So 10 years from now, where do you envision your career?

JOHNNY: I'll definitely go back to theatre. Ten years from now . . . I'm trying to bring a real man back to Hollywood. Steve McQueen, that whole thing. there hasn't been that for a long time.

Q. Who's a real man?

JOHNNY: Steve McQueen.

Q: Who is not a real man?

JOHNNY: Orlando Bloom. Orlando Bloom, I swear, has a pussy. Orlando Bloom's a hermaphrodite.

I don't want to be prettier than the woman I'm walking with. I want people to look at me and say: Now, there's a guy that go to her fucking car and fix her the transmission and ride a horse and take a motorcycle and when you're with him, you feel that he's a man.

Right now what I feel like in Hollywood is that they're so pretty and so dainty and so metro that it's repulsive to me. The Harrison Fords and the Bruce Willis’ and all these guys — they're older now, and that whole generation's gone. Now the new generation besides Russell Crowe — and he's a tough guy to work with. I'm talking about [my generation] now. If you think about the whole realm now, who is the real man?

Q: How about Vin Diesel?

JOHNNY: (pauses) Listen. Vin Diesel's my friend for a long time. But nobody wants a puppet. Nobody wants a one-note actor. That's it. If you do one thing the whole time, the public gets turned off. “XXX” — I couldn't even watch 10 minutes of it. It was repetitive. “A Man Apart” — nothing. I'm not trying to shit on Vin Diesel. I'm saying if that's what we've got now for a real man, then we've got problems.

Q: Brad Pitt?

JOHNNY: I do like Brad because he plays a variety of roles. All the guys that were men like Bruce Willis and Harrison Ford are gone. Women want a man. What woman wants to walk around with someone prettier than her?

Q: What about “Fight Club”?

JOHNNY: I didn’t like the ending. I thought it was bullshit. There are no men left in Hollywood.

Q: So are you psyched to see “Sin City” with Mickey Rourke?

JOHNNY: Mickey Rourke I loved but he fucked his shit up. His face looks like a distorted mess. It’s horrible. He blew his whole shit. He could have been king of the world and then he winds up boxing in Mexico.

Q. In real life, how hard is it to be a real man?

JOHNNY: For me? Easy.

Q. What's the hardest part of being a real man?

JOHNNY: Just getting all the women off me.

Q: What exactly is the need for a real man?

JOHNNY: A real man is what every man wants to be and every woman wants to fuck. And that's what a real man is. So we don't have that any more. Now it's almost androgynous. You can't really tell if is not, and the way they come across is not even real any more. What we do in Hollywood, [is that] if we don't cast for the role, we cast for the money, and that's where the real man gets lost.

You want the real man because the real man is the staple of what leading men are. A leading man is a real man.

Q: So someone like Sean Connery as Bond is a real man?

JOHNNY: Oh, he was the biggest real man. That's a real man.

Q: What do you think about Brosnan as Bond?

JOHNNY: (long pause) No comment.

Q: What are you working on next?

JOHNNY: Right now I’m working with Paul Walker.

Q: What did you think of “Timeline”?

JOHNNY: That was fucking horrible. But now Chazz Palminteri has hired him to star in “Noel” with Susan Sarandon, Robin Williams and Penelope Cruz. Chazz also got him this movie that I’m in with Paul now called “Gat” [aka “Running Scared”]. Wayne Kramer is the illest director. It makes “Pulp Fiction” look like a Disney movie. I’ve never been more free in my life as an actor working with Wayne Kramer. I’m playing two roles but I can only tell you about one. If my character had an action figure it would come with a bottle of urine. It’s such a breath of fresh air to work with someone who doesn’t give a fuck about what anyone says. Right now, “Gat” is probably NC-17.

Q. When you get clout yourself, how are you doing to change this?

JOHNNY: I just want to find the right roles and the right directors. I just want to do the good work. I don't care if it's TV, theater, or a puppet show. It doesn't matter to me, as long as it's good work. I'll do TV. TV sucks, it's bullshit. Survivor and all that shit. [But] if it's good work, I want to do it. But also want to work with a good director. It might be a mistake because he's a hard guy to work for, but I want to work with Michael Mann . Michael Mann is one of the ones I really want to work with. You know why Michael Mann just stands out for me is because of “Manhunter.” That's the kind of movie I want to do.

Q. Would you work with Ridley Scott?

JOHNNY: Yeah but he's just hired Orlando for “Tripoli,” or whatever. I want to work with Ridley but —

Q. What did you say about Orlando again?

JOHNNY: He's got female body parts. Hermaphrodite.

Q: What superhero power would you want to have?

JOHNNY: A neverending hard on.

"Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid" opens in theaters this Friday.