Release Date: May 1, 2009

(out of 4)

Connor Mead (Matthew McConaughey) loves women just not any one woman. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past features the golden-stud actor as a womanizer who shows up at his brother’s wedding and proceeds in hitting on every woman at the wedding party including the bride’s mother. Yet he proclaims love is a myth and determinedly pleads his brother Paul (Breckin Meyer) to ditch his bride and reclaim his bachelorhood. Maid of honor Jenny Perotti (Jennifer Garner), Connor’s childhood love, shakes her head disapprovingly at Connor ceaselessly. Michael Douglas shows up as the ghost of Uncle Wayne, the dirty old lecher who was a one-time mentor to Connor. Can you guess who steals the show?

In the wildly implausible opening scenes a bunch of half-naked models are dreamily laid out on a studio set while Connor, as the hot superstar glamour photographer, comes in late to work but manages to get wow-factor publishable shots within a matter of minutes. Connor, as it turns out, started out as an assistant to Herb Ritts. No, Herb Ritts does not make an appearance in this movie. What seems like no time at all following his professional duties, Connor is seducing one of his subjects while breaking up with three women on his web cam simultaneously. Of course, he makes every single woman feel special and unique for about a couple of weeks at a time before they’re disposed. “Are you really as bad as they say?” one lustful woman asks. “No, hon. I’m just a little bit worse,” Connor says with a devilish wink, and of course, McConaughey does his trademark ham-and-salami smirk.

Cutting to the weekend wedding party, it takes place at one of those fantastic sprawling estates you find only in the movies or northern Massachusetts. Following the rehearsal dinner, Connor meets Uncle Wayne’s ghost in the men’s room who warns him that if he doesn’t sock it he’s going to end up alone in the twilight of his life. Uncle Wayne knows all too well of the loneliness that plagued him before his death. Uncle Wayne tells Connor that he is going to be visited by three ghosts who will show him the past, the present and the future.

First up is girlfriend past Allison, a gum-smacking tart played by actress Emma Stone who is an awful tour guide for the movie – she’s an eyesore and a screech to the ears. Going back in time, Connor is able to see from an objective point to early happy days with Jenny, his first rejection, how he developed his “game” from Uncle Wayne, and a revisit with all the women he’s jilted over a lifetime. Some of them say they were his girlfriend for a week, and one in particular says it lasted for 48 seconds. She didn’t say whether it was an elated 48 seconds or not. By obligation, I must mention that the second and third tour guides are played by Noureen DeWulf and Olga Maliouk.

What Connor learns is that his brother’s wedding should be treated as a cherished rite, and that this is his narrow-window opportunity to reconnect with his lifelong love. Jenny though is thicked-skinned and cautious around Connor. “He’s like the Tin Man. He was born without a heart.” Will he be able to break down her cemented heart and show her that he has a genuine side of loyalty? Is there any profound truth to be found in a formulaic romantic comedy? Do these two actors share genuine chemistry? If you’ve seen enough movies, you should be able to answer two out of three of these questions without even seeing the movie. As for chemistry, these two get by on their gleaming sexy smiles.

While the movie is McConaughey’s umpteenth appearance in a romantic comedy, this one finally casts him as the slick player he seems natural to play instead of another slacker-bum like we saw him in such flicks as “Failure to Launch” and “Fool’s Gold.” Garner has a sophisticated statue-esque prettiness that she’s been molding successfully since “Juno.” Douglas mischievously slinks into the Robert Evans role even though Robert Evans was never an actor (it’s an inside Hollywood joke). These actors look comfortable, even suave, in their roles.

Yet “Girlfriends Past” doesn’t really flow all that well, it clunks along before it reaches sporadic inspiration. It must also be added that most of the supporting cast are sitcom cut-outs, featuring women who throw themselves at either Connor or whatever back-up man who seems to be the next available.